Saturday, December 23, 2006

Tag, You're It

I was tagged on SML's blog a couple of weeks ago, and think I have finally come up with some stuff about me which border on weird.

  • I have very vivid dreams. The kind where you fall from a sky scraper, land on the ground, lay there aching wondering if you're going to die, and then wake up unable to move for 5 minutes. The kind where you fight a dragon and physically feel every strike from its stinging, scorpion-like tail (I had this dream a lot for about 10 years). The kind where you strangle your spouse at night because you think a box spring is going to fall on top of you both, pushing you and the three cats out of the house and instantly killing everyone. I have since realized that stress makes me more likely to act out (sleepwalking, and, um, sleepchoking) during my dreams and Gluby has learned to live with fear while sleeping.
  • I don't know if I have ever admitted this to Gluby or not, but I, like Floating in the Milk, like the smell of cigarettes. Not only that, but I can differentiate between four distinct scents when it comes to cigarettes. I have no idea whether it has to do with the brand, or plant variety, or processing, or what. I have been tempted several times to ask people what kind of cigarette they are smoking and see if I can eventually start to guess the brand just by the smell. I have high aspirations, as you can see.
  • SML's mentioning her fear of ocean water reminded me of my water fear. I don't mind swimming in the shark infested waters off of Hawaii; just don't make me swim in murky, fish infested lake waters. Now that is scary. Every time I swam at Lucky Peak Reservoir in Idaho I seriously thought something was going to bite me. I knew there had to be a small shark lurking in the water where no one could see him and that he was going to bite me.
  • When I married Gluby I was afraid his three cats would get more attention than I would in our marriage. Yes, I will say it. I was jealous of his cats. (He is quite affectionate of them.) So I told him that I didn't want them sleeping in the same bed with us, but I didn't tell him I was jealous of them. When I finally realized that they would not take my place I consented to their presence on our bed. Now we can't seem to get them off of it. They are present no matter what we do on the bed.
  • I went to massage therapy school 10 years ago. I was even an LMT (licensed massage therapist) in Utah and worked at a couple of places. I hated doing it for money, but loved helping people feel better. When Gluby found out I went to massage school he was really excited. Unfortunately, he has only ever received one full body massage in almost 7 years of marriage. Gluby is the one who massages my back, or feet, or head. Poor Gluby!
  • As some of you know, Gluby was in the Marines. There is a certain “motivated bark” that Marines do, which Gluby has perfected. I absolutely love to hear his Marine bark -- especially since I can't do it; I sound like a macho yippie dog. I go through phases where I ask him to bark all the time. He has even taught our oldest son how to do it just for me. I just love it!
Ok, I know that those last two entries aren't all that weird, so I'll tell you one weird thing about me and Gluby.

We often sing together as if we are in a musical. Gluby and I were in the BSU LDS Institute choir together for almost a year, and while we were dating we loved doing musical things together. So, ever since, we constantly improvise music, sometimes absent-mindedly. At times, it can get quite obnoxious. For example, he was reading about China and then began singing Handel's Messiah, but instead of “Hallelujah” he sang “Mao Zedong.” Over. And over. And over. I still hear it sometimes today, seven years later, though he's usually finding other things to set the music to (most recently, “Fiddley Gomme” since the unusual name of Pete's blog has gotten stuck in his head). But WORST of all, he was picking on me about my supposed fastidiousness and penchant for spreadsheets one day and began singing “Edelweiss” from The Sound of Music, except he was singing, “Anal wife, anal wife, clean the kitchen forever.” Obnoxious. I answered, “Lazy husband, lazy husband, get your butt out of the bed.” This kind of stuff is constantly going on.


13 comments:

Sister Mary Lisa said...

I was laughing out loud as I read about your musical antics and my daughter asked me what was so funny.

Thanks so much for posting this list of weird. You are great.

Happy Holidays to you and Gluby and kids!

:) Hugs.

Jer said...

You two are absolutely hilarious.

I'm so glad you succumbed to the tag, it was well worth it for your readers sake.

Gluby said...

Alright, I just have to dispute the one full-body massage thing. I don't remember it. I don't think I've ever gotten a massage from LB -- maybe you gave one to some other guy while I was away, honey. Wasn't me. I'm lucky if I can get her to scratch my back every once in a while.

But her? She imperiously thrusts her feet at me and lays them on my lap, silently demanding they be rubbed. I am enslaved.

Lemon Blossom said...

Ha! Gluby is right about barely getting a back scratch these days, and about me putting my feet on his lap to be rubbed.

But I absolutely know that I gave him a full body massage because he was completely naked on the bed and that was the only full-body naked massage I have ever given. Granted, I did give it to him about six years ago, and he is getting on in years, so that could be one reason he doesn't remember it. Another reason could be that what we did after the massage was so nice that he completely forgot about the massage itself.
:)

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Ha ha ha...that's hilarious. Of course you have him a full body massage, and OF COURSE he forgot that if he was naked and other stuff ensued.

That just means another full body massage is in order. It's hard to find the privacy to do this with little ones around tho....

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Oops, GAVE him, not HAVE him. Although, same thing, right??

:)

Lemon Blossom said...

I'm so glad that our weirdness could bring so much happiness to the world!

SML – Thanks. And I hope that you and your family had a great holiday as well. How were things without your dad there?

Ha! Yes, gave, have, it's all the same when body parts are involved, right? I think I will give him another full body massage, but it might not occur all in one night. I'll probably do one limb at a time since I have been pretty tired lately. Ha!

Jer – Thanks. I have been enjoying your blog as well as Christy's. I am enjoying reading your journey our of mormonism. Keep writing!

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Christmas was fine (better, actually) without my dad here. I was so hoping he'd come though so I could watch and test theories about my man's behavior when my family comes. Oh well. Next time.

I ended up calling my dad at around 5 pm and wishing him a Merry Christmas. He doesn't have long distance or a cell phone, the cheapskate. He's proud of this.

Sideon said...

Lemony - you are awesome! I'm still laughing from the comments.

I totally get the murky water thing. If I can't see the bottom, I know that there must be an undiscovered form of shark or piranha waiting to pull me under like a bad "Jaws" movie. Yep - I get that one.

Amen to the vivid dreams. When I'm stressed, I wake Scott up often with my episodes of sitting up in bed and having entire conversations with myself. Every once in a while I sleepwalk.

I imagine Gluby glossed over the massage and just remembers the aftermath :)

LOVE the singing routine you two have going :)

Liseysmom said...

I'm laughing about the cats. We have three cats too. They take over the bed and then my hubby has no place to sleep. I'd seriously have more a lot more cats but then I'd be divorced...

Anonymous said...

I'm LOVING the musical thing you guys have going. I can't believe I've never seen you do it!

I'm so glad you started this, and I can't wait to read more.

Love,
A.

Lemon Blossom said...

A,

I was soo excited to see that you posted a comment!

Well, um, you haven't seen us do it because, you see, we usually only do the singing thing when we are alone because, you know, it's, um, a little weird!

I hope you are doing well tonight!

Love,
LB

Lemon Blossom said...

I can’t believe that I forgot to answer some of these comment! I don’t know if anyone but me will see this, but, oh well!

SML – I’m glad that your Christmas went well even without the theory testing you had hoped to accomplish.

I was a proud cheapskate once. I am learning that sometimes being cheap can hurt others feelings and that sometimes it’s better to just go with the flow.

Sideon – I’m glad it made you laugh. I love to make people laugh!

*Shiver* I get the creeps just thinking about swimming in that water.

I used to get really nervous while we lived in PA because we were in an apartment. I just knew that I would sleepwalk out the door and be locked out in the hallway in my garments. EEEEKKK!

We are passing on the singing legacy to our children. Our oldest walks around the house making up word to familiar tunes. Poor kid has no idea how weird we are!

Liseysmom – Your poor husband! Our cats are huge, too (at least 15 pounds each) so when all three are on the bed we are all cramped. I usually end up kicking 1 or 2 of them off in my sleep. Oops! 