Thursday, December 14, 2006

Panty Day?

December 12, 2006, will be forever remembered as “Panty Day” in our house, whether I like it or not.

As some of you may have read from Gluby's exuberant comments on other blogs, we ordered some new underwear for me a couple of weeks ago. The whole situation actually started about two months ago when Gluby asked:

G: Honey, when do you think you'll stop wearing your garments?

LB: Probably when I am ready to realize that the church isn't true and that I no longer want to be a member. Why?

G: Just wondering. I hate those things. (He pauses for a moment.) Hey, what size do you wear?

LB: I have no idea, I haven't bought any for over 10 years. (Now it's my turn to pause.) No, you are not going to buy them for me. I am perfectly capable of buying myself underwear.

G: I'll even take the boys so they won't be in your hair. It'll be fun!

LB: Yes, I'm sure it will. (sigh) I can see it now. “Hey, son, what do you think of this pair of underwear for Mama?” And you'll probably come home with thongs. Yah, that's what I want to do, go from total coverage to anal floss. No thanks, I'll go buy myself my own underwear.

Three weeks later I get an instant message on my laptop from Gluby in the other room while I am studiously (ah, right) preparing for an upcoming geology final exam.

G: Hey, honey, check out this porn!

LB: Excuse me?

G: Take a look at the link I just sent. (It's a link to Victoria's Secret web page filled with semi-anorexic, airbrushed women modeling shockingly small, vibrantly colored underwear.)

LB: Um, thanks. I wanted to look at half naked women. How'd you know?

G: What color do you want?

LB: Hm, I didn't know they were selling the women, but any color is fine with me as long as she's the housewife.

G: Very nice, dear. What color of underwear do you want?

I protest that now isn't the time, I'm studying, I haven't decided about church stuff yet, blah, blah, blah. But, when Gluby is excited about something it takes a bulldozer to get him to change direction.

So, we spent the next two hours picking out colors and types of underwear. The order form gave the approximate arrival date as the 16th of December. He hated to wait so long, but he was excited and even wrote “PANTY DAY!” in big, bold letters on the calendar. On Tuesday (yesterday), I had just gotten home from taking our oldest out for a special “mama date” when I saw the mailbox overflowing with envelopes and what could only be panty packages. Gluby was so thrilled he had me try them on right away. It was like Christmas Day at our house yesterday. (And he is a super-grinch when it comes to holidays.)

The ironic thing is that, the very next morning, his sister sent us some pictures of the cookies she and her fiancee made last night. “Butt cookies” with underwear frosting. Nice.

We had a good laugh, especially since she is in Canada, had no idea about the whole underwear thing in the first place (no one did), and has never done anything of the sort before. It was a total random coincidence.

I did keep a pair of the new undies on the rest of the day and even wore them all day today. It feels really weird physically. Not as much bulk under my jeans, no elastic that goes up to my ribcage, no material to keep my thighs from rubbing together when I wear a dress without nylons, no pulling up my jeans to put the garments back in their place.

I am not sure how I feel about it emotionally yet. I feel like this whole experience is happening in a movie and at the end I'll turn it off, go to bed, and wake up to read scriptures with my family (not that we have done that in the last 5 years, but a girl can dream).

In fact, this morning Gluby asked me if I was still wearing them. I said yes. I did warn him, though, that I might not keep them on all day. He nodded understandingly and said that no matter what underwear I choose to wear right now, it is fine and he is proud of me for everything I have faced over the last few months -- although I think it may be more accurate to describe it as a painstakingly-avoided-until-I-can-no-longer-ignore-it kind of facing.

Personally, I think he's just trying to get me out of my new panties.


Pete Dunn said...

Happy Panty Day to you and yours.
I don't miss my garments at all. After a while you'll wonder how you ever wore them in the first place.

Sideon's Sanctuary said...

What lovely timing - new panties AND panty cookies :)

I've added both you and Gluby to my linky links. I'm thrilled that you've both entered the blogosphere.

Be well.

Lemon Blossom said...

Pete - Thanks! Has Donna taken her garments off again for a significant time period after your last post about it? I can completely understand her seemingly schizophrenic behavior with them. I am up and down when it comes to how I feel about things concerning the church.

Sideon - I feel teased. She sent us pictures but no cookies! We didn't even get to eat any of them.

Gluby has so corrupted me -- I can't help but laugh every time I see "linky links."

Sideon's Sanctuary said...

Lemmon Blossom - I am not teasing! I'm ecstatic that you and Gluby are blogging!

I wasn't even being snarky about the panties. I don't understand panties, actually - I've never worn them. Nor have I ever taken them off anyone.

"Linky links" :) Heh. What's so corrupted about that?

Gluby said...

In case she backslides, I was thinking of replacing all her garments with these:

Sacred Mormon Temple Garments, Updated and Improved

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God! You are hilarious, LB! I love the cookies, I love the conversations you guys had, I love how you write. This is awesome. I think it's great you have a designated Panty Day now. That is great.

:) SML

Christy said...

I love love love those cookies ! How damn cool is that!

Welcome to the world of panties. My only advice is to move in your own timeline. I know several people who were back and forth with their garments for awhile. I wore my G's for a few months after I stopped believing, and would occasionally still wear them when I was in the presence of my mother or others who were true believers. Eventually I just stopped wearing them altogether. Last spring I was cleaning out my drawers, and found a few pairs of G's at the bottom of my sock and underwear drawer, and finally threw them all out, one year after I stopped wearing them. You'll do it when you're ready.

Until then, enjoy that sexy feeling of ditching the garments. I agree with Pete, one day you'll wonder how you ever wore them at all.

Christy said...

PS- Can I add you to my blog links?

Lemon Blossom said...

Sideon – Oops! I meant his sister was teasing us by only sending us pictures of the cookies, not that you were teasing me. But please do feel free to be snarky about my panties.

Before that awful husband of mine, I would never have seen the word “linky link” and think the horrible, awful thoughts that I do. When I see it, um, a certain part of the male anatomy comes to my mind. My parents would be so proud!

SML – Thanks for the encouragement! The funny thing is that I never knew I could write funny things. (Wait, is that funny??) I've spent too long writing dull college papers and trying to keep spiritually-minded journals to worry about actually enjoying writing. Now, the gloves are off!

Christy – Thanks! Aren't they great? I just want to take a bite outta one of the cheeks!

And thanks for the advice! It's nice to be reminded that I can take things at my own pace, as I tend to put pressure on myself to sort everything out right now.

I've had a lot of fun reading your blog, and would love to be listed on your links. I'll add you to mine too, yah?

Simeon's Peep Stone said...

I love cookies. I just realized that you could make some great bra's with those same cookies. There's nothing like a matching set!

Sideon's Sanctuary said...


I hadn't associated "linky link" with the male anatomy... but now I will! :)

Gives a whole new meaning to "can I link you?"

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Simeon, I have a great mental image now of tiny little bikinis in frosting on those cookies. Too funny.

And why do I keep getting a mental image of Pete Dunn licking the frosting off in strategic places??? Help!! Get these images OUT OF MY MIND!!!

Jer said...

It's only a matter of time now before we bake our own batch of panty cookies. I like the matching set idea, Simeon.

Lemon Blossom, you and Gluby have made a great splash into the DAMU blog scene. Posting about panties will always be endearing to this crowd.

Enjoy the new underwear, I KNOW Gluby will. <= D

Gluby said...

Oh, I do.

Floating in the Milk said...

Hey LB - good for you. I'm kind of amazed that there are mormon women that don't own any regular underwear. What about exercising, or - - - hm, I'm realizing I always had a million and one excuses for why I shouldn't wear garments even when I was a believer. Even when I wore them during the day, I had to take them off to sleep.

BTW, from Victoria's Secret, I highly recommend the Body by Victoria Ultrasmooth Hiphuggers. They're not especially sexy, but their not granny panties either, and they're amazinly comfortable.

C.L. Hanson said...

What a fun story, and adorable cookies!!!

They're way out of my cookie-making league, as you can see from my Christmas post... ;-)

Lemon Blossom said...

Simeon – great idea! In fact, I sent his sister an email asking her if they had made some bra cookies, but she hasn't replied yet. I think that means no.

Sideon – Naughty, naughty, where is your mind. Ah, I see it, right here beside mine!

SML – Have you gotten those images out of your mind yet since it has been over a week? If not, report to the nearest Adult Shop to Confess and Repent of your sin.

Jer – Gluby is definitely enjoying the new panties, especially because he doesn't encounter garment when he puts his hand up my shirt to scratch or rub my back.

FITM – I had one pair of regular underwear before this and I wore it only we I went jogging. I didn't wear them while showering or making love, but otherwise I alwayws wore them. Growing up I knew I would be expected to wear them all the time so I decided early on that I would. If they were uncomfortable I didn't notice that much because I knew I would keep wearing them anyway. Gluby keeps telling me how unsexy they were and how much he is enjoying my “panties.”

I love the hiphuggers. As well as the bikini briefs and, um, the regular bikini ones.

CLH – Hey a new post. Yay! Our culinary achievements included unwrapping the store bought cookie dough, pushing candy cane, star, and tree shapes into the dough, baking, and frosting them the next day. At least you made your own dough!

Eight Hour Lunch said...

Awesome! I know what kind of sugar cookies I'm asking for next holiday season. :)