This is what I wrote on FLAK about my conversation with my younger sister. Obviously this was written before I had talked with my older sister yesterday.
My conversation with my younger sister didn't go quite so well. I mean, overall it did, but I started to babble and drool. I so wanted her to not feel threatened by me that I basically said that she should feel open to sharing spiritual experiences with me (please, please bear your testimony to me!) and that she needn't worry about me "mocking" her (she actually said that word) or casting "pearls before swine" (that last one was me. What?! I'm comparing myself to swine now?!? Get me off the phone NOW!) Sigh.
I know my sister doesn't really think I'll mock her, but that she used that word anyway, and had the guts to say that she isn't sure she'll feel open to sharing her spiritual side with me, was hard to take and I just fell flat on my face. Fortunately she is less TBM than my older sister and my mother and I think I will be able to "straighten" things out over time. I haven't talked with my older sister yet and really dread it.
Overall, right now I know I did what was best and what I needed to, but I wish it would all go away. I am so tired and depressed. I feel no relief of stress or "happiness" or anything like I had hoped I would after sending the letter. I keep picturing myself handling everything with confidence and dignity. That conversation proved I lack both right now! I think that those things will come with time, but that I am just dealing with a lot of difficult emotions and I have never really learned how to assert myself with dignity or confidence. I hope I get it fast before I really do something stupid.