Sunday, May 20, 2007

Oh, that elephant?

Gluby and I had an interesting IM conversation this afternoon while I was trying to study and just kind of comprehend what I did last night.

glubyglobglob: you there?
lb: yes
glubyglobglob: Try and think of one really stressful thing I could tell you.
lb: um, one of the kids is hurt and needs to go to the dr.
lb: or they are dead
lb: bleeding to death
glubyglobglob: How about something like, your parents are in the living room.
lb: you want to spend $1,000
lb: ha
lb: ok, now that made my heart jump
glubyglobglob: That would be funny, wouldn't it?
lb: um, no
lb: really
lb: my heart is still pumping
glubyglobglob: If your mother was on the floor sitting with Malek looking at blocks.
glubyglobglob: If your father was sitting on the fireplace bricks.
glubyglobglob: Now that would be ...
lb: please tell me you aren't serious
glubyglobglob: They're here, honey.
lb: because my heart is seriously pounding
glubyglobglob: I am dead serious.
lb: what?
glubyglobglob: No jokes.
glubyglobglob: No playing.
glubyglobglob: They drove.
lb: please
lb: please
glubyglobglob: Sweetheart.
lb: please tell me you aren't serious
lb: please
glubyglobglob: No jokes.
lb: I know
glubyglobglob: I would NEVER play with you like this.
glubyglobglob: Not for longer than an instant.
lb: I think I am going to faint
glubyglobglob: So much for waiting til Sunday.
lb: do they know that you have talked with me?
glubyglobglob: About the church?
glubyglobglob: No.
glubyglobglob: I just told them I would check on something.
lb: did they ask where I was?
glubyglobglob: I told them you're out studying.
glubyglobglob: What do you want me to tell them?
lb: that I am still out studying
glubyglobglob: Not coming now?
lb: and I am never coming home

Ok, so I obviously did go home, but not before I hyperventilated and tried calling A. twice (using someone else's cell phone - what a nice person).
While I was Instant Messaging Gluby I considered having him tell my parents that he wasn't able to get a hold of me and then I could take an hour or two to avoid them, but we realized that it would just drag things out for everyone and that I needed to be honest with myself and well as with them. I did drive to A.'s house so I could share my woes with her, but she wasn't home, so I decided I had just better go home. It was probably better this way anyway because I have to do this on my own and crying to A. would just make me feel even more like I didn't want to face this alone (well, of course Gluby is there, but you all know what I mean).

This is what I wrote on FLAK about today:

Thanks everyone. This is one of those things I'll laugh about later, right?

Well, so far things have gone better than I imagined. By the time I finally got home I was as composed as I could be. I walked in the door and gave my 5 yr old a hug and saw my dad. I gave him a big hug and then walked into the front room where my mom was playing with our 2 yr old. We hugged for about 2 minutes and we didn't say anything. We just hugged and it felt loving and nice. We haven't talked about anything dealing with the church or the letter yet. Partly because we went out to eat and ended up going to the store for necessities and didn't get home until after 10:00. By the time the kids were in bed, and their bed was put up, it was pretty late and everyone was tired. So, if anything is said it will be tomorrow before they leave.

The nice part about tonight has been that we all know there is an elephant in the room that will be acknowledged, but that it isn't uncomfortable. Part of me wonders if we will talk about it at all before they leave. I can actually see my parents coming out here (a 9 hour drive) to let me know that they love me, that they understand things have been hard and just want to be with me. Of course, I can also see them bringing it up as tactfully and lovingly as they can. And if they overstep any boundaries I want to have up I'll kindly and lovingly let them know.

Another nice thing is that none of this is fake, not on their part and not on my part, though we all know that they wish I still believed.

I know that there will be times of frustration, with passive-aggressive, angry crap that will come my way, but today wasn't that day, and for that I am grateful.

So, wish me luck, fellow bloggers, and that things will continue to go well for all of the involved parties.

P.S. Gluby did get a smack for playing with me at the beginning of the conversation. Obnoxious little sh......


aerin said...

oh my god. yeah - that sounds terrifying. Of course, my parents were here this weekend as well, but their visit was PLANNED, and they only live three hours away.

You definitely are one strong woman.

supernova said...

All the very best, LB!

JulieAnn said...

I think your head is in a really good spot, LB (NO not on your neck) Many people in your shoes wouldn't set boundaries; they would let the guilt lead the way. Good on you (and do smack Gluby for that mean little IM thingy). Kidding, Glub!

peace and blessings


Sister Mary Lisa said...

Wow, LB. That must have been intense! I'm proud of how you handled yourself.

So did they talk about it with you Sunday?


Freckle Face Girl said...

This is a big moment for you! I am glad that it has started off lovingly. They seem open.

Cele said...

Wow, you guys really should have come to the festival, but then you'd have gotten home and they would have been on your doorstep, and you'd have been wet and had no warning. Okay. Wow. Good luck. and most importantly. Peace.

Lemon Blossom said...

Aerin – My sentiments exactly. I was shaking for a full half hour, about the time it took me to drive around looking for A., to the grocery store to go to the bathroom, and then home.

I hope your planned visit with your family went well. :)

Supernova – Thanks!

JA – I set the boundaries in the letter, but have a harder time keeping them in real life because I am not used to having them or keeping my own dignity. Hopefully I can figure out how to do this before I really make an ass of myself.

Don't worry, he did get a smack for it.

SML – It was intense and now I am de-stressing. I had a nice night laughing with A. last night and just being with Gluby afterward. I am so glad he is there for me.

They did bring it up on Sunday and I will write a post about it in the next day or so.

FFG – I am glad it started off that way as well. They do seem open and I hope it lasts, though I know we will probably have moments of passive-aggressive anger coming out. Hopefully I'll be able to handle those moments firmly and lovingly as well.

Congrats on the baby, btw!!!!

Cele – I thought about that as well. “Maybe we should have all gone out together.....ah, but then I wouldn't have had any notice to prepare myself. Never mind.”

Thank you, everyone, for your love and support. It really helps!!

Anonymous said...

Good Luck! SML has told me you are a good person and you have strong support in Gluby. So you should have no problem at all.

Bishop Rick said...

This too shall pass...and it seems to have done so without too much problem.

Isn't nice to have this behind you now?

Lemon Blossom said...

Dartman - No wonder my ears have been red so much lately. :)

Well, no problem with finding support, anyway. Gluby is the best in that department.

Bishop Rick - The telling passed with very little problem, now it's just facing the future. I'm not sure how I feel about having it all out there. I am sure, in the end, that it is better I did it now, but I have been feeling very depressed all day and wishing it would all go away.