Sunday, January 21, 2007

Fly Away

I love friends. I love real friends who like me for who I am and not what religion I belong to. I love knowing that someone wants to be with me because they chose to, not because they feel obligated to. I especially love it when those friends live close by. Since I started this blog I have been wanting to write about one of my dearest friends because I want everyone to know what a wonderful person she is, and how much she has helped me over this last year. So this post is dedicated to you, A.

A and I met met a couple of years ago while I was pregnant with M. I had started feeling really nervous about having two kids and still staying sane and had been wanting to talk with someone who already had more than one. I was walking outside of our house and saw A getting out of her car with her two kids. I really wanted to ask her what was hard about having two kids, what was easy, and how she did it. So I went over, introduced myself and asked away. She was really sweet and answered my questions, but we only spoke for a few moments because she needed to be on her way. I always looked for her car whenever I went outside after that, but I didn't ever run into her again outside my house.

Fast forward to around March of 2006 where we met up again at the park across from my house. We both must have been going stir crazy, because hardly anyone else was ever at the park, but it gave us the perfect opportunity to really open up to each other. We were both in going through very difficult times: her dealing with her marriage and mine with religion (which also included my marriage at the time). Though we never planned it, we ran into each other often over a short period of time and talked a lot. And listened a lot. Our oldest sons soon because fast friends and her son invited us over to their house. I was secretly delighted because I had been hoping to take our friendship past the "running into each other at the park" phase, but didn't know how do do it.

This past year has seen a lot of changes in both of our lives, and if it weren't for her I have no clue how I would have handled things. Before I started questioning my faith I would have testified that God sent her to me to help me through this trying time. I am no longer sure whether he exists, so now I just consider myself lucky as hell to have met her.

We took our boys to the Cascade Raptor Center today and were able to see hawks, raptors, owls, and vultures which had been rescued but were no longer able to survive out in the wild. They were amazing to watch and see up close. But the most beautiful part of the outing was the rare experience of watching rescued hawks being released back into the wild. Watching those amazing creatures take flight again after having been hit by cars reminded me of me, and everyone else going through similarly difficult circumstances. I feel like I have been hit by something huge and am wounded, but I started to feel hope in healing and of someday finding strength enough to fly. To add to the emotion and sweetness of the moment, the woman releasing one of the hawks dedicated it to her sister, who had died just over a week ago from a 9 month battle with brain cancer. A and I both had tears in our eyes.

A, you have helped me overcome so much and realize so much about myself. You have given me a safe place to fall when I felt there was none. Thank you A, for everything!!!!


Anonymous said...

I love you !!!!!

I was thinking today about how amazing it was: there we were, too women who've been so deeply blindsided by the very things we believed in most, and there were those two beautiful birds. I can think of a hundred times when we looked just like they did while they were being held. They had that frozen with fear look, like what they wanted most was to just stop existing. Like they were trying to pretend they didn't exist. But now, my dear sister, we're like them in that moment when they were thrown into the air. I could hear their wings come open and it made my heart catch. And then they flew so exquisitely fast! My last picture of it shows a lot of sky and just a fleck of a bird in its midst.

To you, then, and to the big big sky where we belong. No permanent cages for us!

You are so brave, and so honest and kind. I'm proud to know you.


Sister Mary Lisa said...

I think A. sounds like an amazing person, as you are, LB. This was a great post.

Michelle said...

Sounds like you two have an amazing relationship. You are so lucky to have each other through this time. The whole story is just beautiful. Great post.

Lemon Blossom said...

SML - Thanks, SML. Though I can't say I feel amazing, I sure know that she is. She has put up with me!

Michelle - I never thought I would find someone like A, especially because at the time we met I thought there was no way life would ever be good again. Fortunately for me (and Gluby - I could talk with her about church issues that I couldn't talk with him about yet) we did find each other.

Just one of many said...

Thank you A for being there for LB. We think she's special!!

Liseysmom said...

Many years ago I had the chance to visit the Snake River Birds of Prey NCA in Idaho. My sister and I spent the day watching raptors. Amazing and awe-inspiring. I loved your post, and yours as well, A!! You go and fly, girls!

supernova said...

What a wonderful relationship you both share! Friends like these sure are life's best gifts!!!

Freckle Face Girl said...

Good friends are often the ones that get us through the toughest times in life. It is great that you have one in her.

Eight Hour Lunch said...

I don't know about you, but knowing that some supernatural traffic cop didn't arrange a friendship for me makes the friendship that much more rare and precious, not to mention real. Without some god ruining the show, your friend is free to love you on their own terms. I dunno...seems much more flattering than predestiny.

Lemon Blossom said...

JOOM - Thank you, that was so sweet! It made my *achoo* very sick day.

Liseysmom - I used to bike up to the Birds of Prey as we lived just outside of Boise. There is no way I could get up that hill now! I remember taking a school field trip up there and yearning to stay and just drink in everything.

Thanks to you, and everyone else in Outerblogness, I feel much safer to test my wings so some day I will be able to fly. Thank you everyone, for the rehab!

Supernova - Totally. It's no wonder there are so many sappy friend songs that exist!

FFG - That is so true. She was/is my sounding board when I need a female perspective or just can't talk to Gluby about something.

8HrLunch - I did not even realize how obligatory the friendships often were until I took a step back and had a real friend. Often, the inadequacies I felt with others was due to the fact that I felt people were only being nice to me because they had to. I still have inadequacies, but I know she doesn't feel she has to be in my life, which definitely makes it more precious.

Lemon Blossom said...

Yikes, I hate it when I hit publish instead of preview. There are missing commas, misplaced commas....oh well.