It all started 2 years ago when a beautiful maiden with golden hair was delicately partaking of her dainty breakfast.
Ok, so I haven't been a maid in over 7 years and my hair is more brown than golden, but you all get the idea. I was 7 months pregnant and had poured myself some cereal with milk. I talked with S while I was getting my spoon and sitting down to eat, so I paid no attention to my bowl. I took a bite and my mouth was immediately overcome by an acrid, moldy decomposing-earthy taste in my mouth. My face distorted immediately and I ran to spit out the horrid, poisonous monster from my mouth. I wondered what the cereal company had put in the cereal and if there had been a recall I hadn't heard about. As I peered into my cereal bowl the answer floated serenely in my milk. Ants.
This ended up happening two more times before M was born, but not with cereal. Once with chocolate chips and another time with a PB&J sandwich I had left on the counter while dealing with nap time dilemmas with S. Now I can smell them and they smell as bad as they taste.
Gluby once brought me an unpeeled orange that had ants crawl on. I started to peel it and recoiled in horror as I smelled the smell. When I sweep the floor I smell the ones who have been crushed in the dust-pan process as that horrible torrent of ant-scent once again wafts over my face. Or when I clean the counter and catch a few of them on the rag.
So, this morning I was making the boys toast and picked up the butter knife. I turned it over to cut the butter and saw an ant on it. What?! Ants don't like butter! Or so I thought. Anyway, I disposed of the body and wiped the knife off with a paper towel, but it still reeked of the ant chemical smell, so I dropped it in the sink (is it bad that I would have used the knife after only wiping it off with a paper towel?) and pulled out a new one, irritated that I have to wash one more knife because of those stupid things.
The weird thing is that we don't have tons of ants crawling all over our kitchen. I catch sight every once in awhile but there aren't that many. I have started to think it's a conspiracy. The ants are out to get me.
*No ants were killed in the writing of this post.