I have been thinking a lot about the emptiness I feel and how paralyzing and overwhelming the questions in life have become for me. It's like a toddler with way too many choices. What kind of ice cream do you want? Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, orange sherbet, cookies and cream, oreo, chocolate fudge, pecan, toffee, coffee, green tea, neopolitan, etc...Ok honey, now pick which one you want.
I was told growing up that there was One True Ice Cream and now I have the opportunity to find the ice cream that I chose to be the best for me. That entails finding out what kids of ice creams exist and that can be daunting. Unlike most ice creams shops, the ice creams I can chose from are not in one location. Part of me feels tired and just doesn't have the energy to figure out what I believe, and another part of me is tired because I don't have much of anything that I believe in anymore.
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Oh, I have been where you have been! It gets better. Don't worry about what "ice cream" you believe in right now. Take your time and enjoy sampling all of them. You might be surprised that you come up with a "new flavor". Belief is something that is without boundaries and can be frustrating to define. When you have been with a specific belief flavor for so long, all others seem foreign. Enjoy the taste testing! BTW, I have wanted to read EVERYONES blog more often(including yours!) but my life has been full of "Junior High Drama". I want to invite you to my blog! E-mail me at atxintx@aol.com so I can add you to my reader roll. Don't want to unblock it as of yet!! J**M
Yay, I'm so glad to hear that you are still out there. I was worried that you had disappeared.
Thank for the support and I hope to enjoy finding my flavor of ice cream as you suggest is possible. I hope so!
Hey, go easy on yourself. You don't have to believe anything at all, you know. I know it's hard to go from believing everything to believing nothing, but live in the non-belief of anything for a while. See how it feels. Ease off on the pressure of making yourself feel like you have to pick ice creams. Maybe you like frappucinos right now. Maybe you like to stay home and watch your boys and drink a nice cold glass of water. Go with your gut.
:) Thanks for the reminder, Wry. Sometimes the anxiety of not knowing pushes me to feel I need to know. Right now.
Lemon,
Sometimes if you can't find what your looking for off-the-shelf, you can make your own. It usually tastes better anyway.
Sometimes the falvor you want just comes upon you unawares... Hang in there, LB! :-)
*flavor
There is only Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey, or Triple Caramel Crunch. Or Baskin Robbin's "Gold Medal Ribbon." Or Cold Stone. Or vanilla, milk chocolate covered Häagen-Dazs.
The best part about ice cream? Enjoying it alone or with friends or family. They eat theirs, you eat yours. If you want what they have, try some. If they want some of yours, share. Nothing says you have to go out and get the nearest ice cream. Sometimes it comes to you (in a vehicle that plays the same song over and over again). Use pocket change, enjoy the instant gratification, then go back to you and your summer lovin'.
It takes a life time to figure out what works best for you. You will probably find that some of the things you were taught make sense, while your other beliefs will come from experiences, reading, sharing thoughts, feelings, etc. It is all about what you feel comfortable with.
Isn’t it nice to have the freedom to try other flavors? You will not enjoy them if you taste them all in one day though. Take a taste here & there.
Licorice ice cream. Once you go black, you never go back.
It's a hell of a thing, isn't it?
For now, I'm just pretending that ice cream is just a vast conspiracy and ignoring the whole damn store.
It's working for now, so I'm good.
:)
Oh, I totally feel you on this one, LB. I was absolutely overwhelmed at first. I spent a summer of exploring churches, and rethinking and rethinking and rethinking. Eventually, the urgency of feeling like I needed to pick wore off, and new beliefs and attitudes have evolved over time. Nothing needs to be set or decided right now.
fta...still evolving
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