I will be visiting family and friends within the next month and am starting to feel very anxious about it. I haven't told anyone except my parents, siblings and my grandmother. My parents have visited twice since I told them, one planned and one very unplanned, but both of them happened here.
Now I will be venturing back to where I grew up and where most of the people I know are TBM (at least as far as I know) and I am getting very anxious about it. Part of me wants to shout out from the rooftops that I don't believe anymore so I won't have to deal with the shocked expressions over and over again in individual situations when speaking with friends, or even family, who haven't heard yet. Mostly friends though, as I think most of the family I might see on this trip will already have heard.
Do I send an email to my old pack of friends, none of whom I really write or talk to more than once or twice a year yet still consider a friend because we were friends for so long? Do I pretend I am not in town and just not call them? I know at least one, if not more, of these friends will feel hurt if she doesn't hear this from me because we used to be very good friends. I just hate to open that box. Though I know I have to, especially as it may already have been pierced by rumors. At least if I tell them all myself they will have more of the "facts." (though obviously not much more than "I don't believe anymore" will be included in the letter as I don't think they would take well to reading the impossibility of certain biblical and B of M stories)
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9 comments:
Sounds like tons of fun, LB!
Just remember that it's difficult to explain any "facts" to someone who has just found out that you don't believe that the thing that's most important to them isn't true anymore. I had lunch just this week with an old friend from church, and when I told her I'm out, it was difficult explaining why in such a short time period.
Best wishes to you...
LB,
Not that I have any actual experience... but I would think that the best action would be go on as if nothing is different. Contact old friends as if your beliefs haven't changed, and discuss your beliefs as conversations come up about it. If they have heard something, then they might bring it up, otherwise I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Just try to enjoy your trips and enjoy the people you go to meet. Don't let your anxiety get the best of you.
Good luck!
/paranoidfr33k
p.s. Let us all know how it goes. I'm sure I'll be in your shoes at some point and it would be nice to know how you handled it.
Hi - I've started to post a few times, but usually stop myself. Love your blog and think you are very brave. Had to chime in on this one... how much of an event your 'outing' as a non-believer will be is largely up to you. I would think very carefully before I call anyone... Is this someone I would call if I didn't have this news to share? If yes, fire away but don't make it the whole conversation, more of a side-note. And if not... think twice before calling and try to figure out what you could possibly gain by going there. Good luck & HAVE FUN!!!
I wrote that badly. By "side-note" I wasn't suggesting you minimize the importance of your transformation. (not sure what else to call it) Rather, I would introduce it as a "by the way, just so you don't hear this wrong from someone else, I ought to tell you that..." etc. Can I ask you something out of curiousity? Is this such a big deal to your friends/family that your whole relationship will be shaken to the core by it? Do you have common ground with these friends outside of church? (I am not and have never been religious, so I have no experience with this.)
Here's a thought. Unless the topic is specifically brought up, why talk about it at all?
If you all haven't seen each other in a long time there will be plenty to talk about. Maybe they will talk about callings they have and such, but you may not even have to broach church except casually as a "Rick is in the bishopric now".
Unless you want them to know, which is different.
In that case I found that the BEST way to make a statement about church attendance without having to bring it up myself? Show up for lunch in a tank top with spaghetti straps. Hopefully, they will get the message and if they are close enough (Or nosy enough) they will ask. OR...just let it go as a non-issue.
Most of my friends it was completely a non-issue as long as I don't disrespect them and vice versa (And sadly, no. that won't be everyone. at least at first.)
I know that it is scary and awkward.
HUGS.
LB I wish you luck. In perfect world that you believed or not how and what they did should mean nothing to those who call you their friend, sister, daugher. But in a Mormon world I'm guessing it must mean everything. How sad that you are seen as Mormon first, and Lemony Blossom second (the second is so much more than the first.)
I understand you're wanting to put it out there and then deal with the aftermath. But there is a hugh part of me that says it's none of their business. Ha Ha I've never been Mormon, never had to deal with this sort of aftermath. I and we can't tell you how to handle this, we can only be here to give you the support and love we offer you freely as Lemony the not/was once Mormon.
Not to sound like a callous bastard (because I think I've already earned that title elsewhere), but you're going to be fine.
You know why?
You HAVE friends that care about you, regardless of your religious beliefs (or non-beliefs).
I agree with some of the people here...why bring it up at all? If it's a burning question on someone's mind and they're, uh, ballsy enough to ask, then state your truth, and don't let them engage you in a "Gasp-el" docterine discussion. Be proud that you have up-graded your beliefs. You can even say that:
Friend: "So, LB, I heard you left the church?"
LB: "Well, I just like to think of it as an upgrade in my belief system."
You are loved and you don't need to be ashamed of who you are.
ja
Good Luck, whether you need it or not, but I'm sure all will turn out well.
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